Welcome to the third post in my series on the amazing but convicting book titled Created to be a Helpmeet! If you haven’t read the previous posts, check out The Biggest Smile gets the Guy and Terrified of the Truth.
One of the most interesting concepts I have gained from this book is one Debi Pearl calls “the 3 types of men”. Basically, there are three main types of men and knowing which category your man fits into can truly help you know how to understand and respond to them.
She clarifies that no man is just one type BUT is usually dominant in one of them.
I don’t want to go into too much depth because I could never share it as well as Debi Pearl herself, but I do want to share what I’ve learned and how it has changed me and our marriage.
The three types of men that are mentioned in the book are:
- Mr. Command: Very few of them exist but they are the leaders and changers in our society.
- Mr. Visionary: These are the inventers and bold explorers, always ready to try something new.
- Mr. Steady: This is the most common type and although very subtle and behind the scenes, these loyal/steady workers are very important.
In the book Preparing to be a Helpmeet (also by Debi Pearl) she reviews the female version of these three so that you can identify who YOU are. I’ve found this to be very helpful in predicting what my weaknesses are and what areas I need to work on before I can be the best helpmeet possible to my husband.
My Real Life Comparison
I understood this concept years before getting married but didn’t really fathom how much it could change a marriage and all communication between a husband and a wife!
Growing up with my dad (almost 100% Mr. Steady), I learned to communicate opinions and thoughts in the form of subtle questions because that is what he perceived to be the most respectful.
My mom is a very respectful, loving and submissive wife and she has worked very hard to find the best ways to communicate with my dad in the most edifying way possible. As the years passed and she continued to learn lessons on communicating with her husband she passed them along to me.
The core of her lessons on the importance of respect and submission can be applied to any marriage and truly help it flourish. But it wasn’t until I married my Mr. Command that I found out how a little tweaking of surface communication can completely change how your husband perceives you and what you are saying.
Using those same subtle communication skills that my dad had perceived as so respectful made my husband wonder what I was trying to hide or if I was trying to trick or manipulate him! They are both strong, Christian men that love their wives and families…but received the same, well-intentioned statement in two COMPLETELY different ways!
I was so confused and a bit frustrated. Then I remembered that the man I married is different from my dad and if my normal communication wasn’t coming across well it was time to figure out what tweaking needed to occur.
Our job is clear
If you’ve never watched the movie Fireproof, I highly suggest it. It is about transforming a failing marriage through Christ and one of the characters makes a reference to the importance of working toward a PhD in your spouse.
Basically, when you first met the one you are now married to, you were starting at Kindergarten…learning EVERYTHING from scratch. As you dated, got engaged, married and the years continue to pass, you should be working your way through the grades, college and eventually shoot for your PhD. That was such a good analogy to me!
So when I realized that I was causing a failing in our communication, I knew it was time to go back and start studying my man by figuring out what type of man he is and then how that knowledge can help me communicate with him.
Another fact that Debi Pearl makes clear is that no matter what type of man you married or what type of woman you are, our job is to adapt and mold to our man. To learn him and change our communication accordingly.
After all…we were Created to be a HELPMEET! 🙂